notice things

[parch]

and she did it precisely as was needed
each step unspoken until her feet
put them in place

this is where I first met her
the curve of her jaw line, her cheeks
broad and pale, neck streched thin
and serious concern plated to her brow

it was in the way she said things
like 'grace' and 'hoopsnake'
the mystery of the child 1 yr old,
the ugly kiss poem and her late husband
6 yrs ago

I finally did not want for her wanting
and did not think anything
but how
did she do these things
how did she stand bravely and admit
it was awful, the days have changed
but it was awful
how did she make me despise her with
words, how did she fill up sentences,
lecture and conversation
how did she beat out the wrong point
and make me cringe
how did she reveal this subtle
essense just now

like a wounded soldier only pretending
to be wounded, she was stronger than
10 mad rhythmns of music in me

and this I am enamoured by

the way she knows almost all the facts
yet is not always sure, making up
enough to keep going, her voice
was just right, her pattern,
expression, lips moving in sync with
sound, this all new

and things I have not yet noticed, because
she is teaching me to notice things
she is teaching me to listen to that which
I know is not true
she is teaching me to learn my
old language, rusty and unkept
in boxes of quiet

each step unspoken
until my feet

[machinery]

well hello old friend!

i see you've crawled back to the way of yester.
which is all good. occasionally i tend to dabble in the ways of word and voice as well.
but i'm a busy like i know you are.
but our words will always continue right?

<B. this is where I first met her
the curve of her jaw line, her cheeks
broad and pale, neck streched thin
and serious concern plated to her brow [/b]

what kind of curve?
how broad were her cheeks?
what color of pale?
neck stretched thin like coyote falling off a cliff?

serious concern plated to her brow

this i like...

in the next stanza...you engulf the reader in too much i think...her ways of words...cool...but what one year old child, what husband? what do they have to do with you as the writer and us as the listener? are they necessary?


but the more i read the end, maybe they fit...

she teaches you things...you depise her cuz she's been through what you haven't????? is that a bad guess?
eventhough she speaks of shit most of the time, you are learning?
and she makes you notice things?

she is teaching me to listen to that which
I know is not true
she is teaching me to learn my
old language, rusty and unkept
in boxes of quiet

but now a whole new step....
so are you saying she is filling you with your past aspirations and beliefs in the way of the world? is her lifestyle and thought process compare to yr earlier years?

teaching me to learn my old language, rusty and unkept in boxes of quiet

she's not teaching you to learn....she's making you remember right? or am i wrong?


one last thing:

each step unspoken
until my feet

explain this ending.

ram, dig the piece, otherwise wouldn't have replied so much. although this is my first read....i think i get it.

ha.

regardless, superbly happy to have you back

rp

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ November 11, 2004 01:26 AM: Message edited by: machinery ]</font>